There Are Many Thing I Wanted to Say (To You)
by Ladynx
Summary: After death, Yao Wang still has words to say. At death, Kiku Honda still has words to hear. WW2, Sino-Japanese War, Asian family centric Note: I've actually finished this story, so expect regular updates
1. Chapter 1

_王耀_

 _(Wang Yao)_

 _Died surrounded by his brother Wang Jia Long, sister Wang Xiao Mei and close friend Ivan Braginsky aged 83 on the 4.4.2000. Ran the Qixia Orphanage after the War of Resistance Against Japan, from 1947 to 1983._

" _A kind,gentle man who was an endearing friend with the heart of a dragon"-Ivan Braginsky._

With a snip of his scissors, Jia Long separated the obituary from the newspaper in a neat square, picked up with slim fingers and placed in between a worn book where it joined a similar square of newspaper.

He placed the book on top of four other books that were in between the bowls of apples and oranges, in front of the ashes of incense and below the two portraits depicting the people whom the altar honoured.

"Mei, Kiku and I know your story," Jia Long started, breaking the still silence in his living room. He had knelt down before his adopted brother, grasping the lit incense sticks between two hands.

"So I hope you're happy. And don't nag me during Hungry Ghost Day." For a few moments Jia Long fished for more words to say, came up with nothing and decided to close his prayers with a bow. The story of the dead men was closed now, and the spirits of the past should settle to peace.

But Jia Long could not settle to peace two years after Yao's death, and in the lonely nights he would softly leave his partner in their bed and pick up the first book on the altar whenever he felt an undeniable urge to cry his loss.

The book's appearance told a story just like its content- the binding was spilt,the cover was stained with dirt and browned blood. It's pages were yellow and bumpy from water that had long evaporated. It had as many creases as its dead owner but still spoke with Yao's voice as Jia Long read.

 _1937, December_

 _There's a small child sleeping beside me. His name is Jia Long. This was one of gifts his mother gave him before she died as well as a mantra I repeat to him just now and will repeat again once he can understand._

 _Mother loves you, but I am so sorry._

 _I'm hiding in her house. I don't dare to move her corpse in case the Japanese see the trails of blood. I can't give her a proper burial- I can't give her that one human dignity in her death._

 _For that, I am sorry, Jia Long. That your mother,like many of our kinsmen, died a rat's death, in their thousands, their bodies piled up and burnt like I would with trash. Your mother died as if she's didn't deserve to live,she died an inhuman death, worse than the lowest animal could ever deserve._

 _If I'm gone by the time you've read this, I want you to know_ _ **that you are human.**_

 _Even if you see corpses to the thousands. Even if you see the Yangtze River stained red with the blood of your brothers. Even if your eyes could only see grey and red. Even if you question the humanity of others and the point of your human life._

 _I forgot that I was human. I forgot my humanity. Because when you only saw the evils of humanity you forget the sun, and become a wandering, pointless ghost._

Jia Long often thought himself lucky he was too young to remember Nanjing.

 _I tried to kill myself with an abandoned gun , but your mother took that chance for herself. She was already dying, and she was going to die slowly. Those Japanese soldiers were soulless her honour was not enough. They mutilated her too, left her to bleed her life out._

 _Why am I writing this? I suppose after being entrusted with your life I stopped being a lost ghost. If I were to die I will die as a human, with my voice left on this world,proof of the injustice and suffering that Japan inflicted on Nanjing. I will not die silenced, I will not die a lost ghost._

 _As you sleep by me,small as a chicken, a new orphan, I promised myself one thing:_

 _I will not let you die, as a ghost or human._

Jia Long had first read the book a few days after Yao's death. The book lay in a locked suitcase with the will,passports and other important documents and was also mentioned in the will.

 _To Jia Long Wang and Xiao Mei Wang. The book contains things that I have withheld from you all these years._


	2. Chapter 2

"That stupid old man always has to be so dramatic," his sister Xiao Mei had jeered through fresh tears, "sounds like he's some old fogey that hands our destiny like every novel out there,"

"Even in death you still can't give the old man a break," sighs Jia Long in response and carefully opens the book, noting dubiously the blood stains on the cover.

 _1945, August 27th_

Jia Long remembers this day very clearly.

 _Today China was freed of Japan. The news spread like wide fire in Qixia. We escort the soldiers out of Nanjing. They stagger home single file. Tens of thousands flood the streets, there are screams and fireworks booming. And as our fallen foes retreat I hear the victory chant of "Long live China!"," Zhong guo wan sui wan sui,wan wan sui!"_

 _Little Jia Long enjoyed the fireworks the most. Unlike most little kids, he wasn't frightened of them. He was mesmerized by the red and yellow sparks blossoming and dissipating. He was really cute! I let him sit on my shoulders for him to get a better look._

 _But amongst the victory chants and fireworks there was a darker undertone. Many of us wanted the Japanese soldiers killed. I heard one man shout:_

" _Why should we allow them to return home, to their wives and families? I tell you, the only part of them of them that should return back to Japan is their heads!"_

 _I agree. But the most I did was spat on one as he marched past when the presence of the battalion made the long knitted gash on my back throb a phantom pain, and Jia Long to forget the fireworks and bury his trembling head in my chest as he was reminded of the bullet that was once embedded in his shoulder._

 _He reminded me a lot like Kiku, who when we were younger,would quietly climb into my bed whenever the nightmares scared him. But now, if Kiku was still alive, he would be in Jia Long and my nightmare._

Jia Long and Xiao Mei only spent five minutes over puzzling this Kiku person's role before dismissing him from their mind as in the next three books Yao never thought him important enough to be in his written musings.

It was only until a month for Jia Long and Xiao Mei, and 42 years for Yao that Kiku's name was written again.

 _12.2.1987_

 _Tonight I was woken up by a terrible nightmare. I believe it was brought on by the newspaper article left behind by Xiao Mei. They covered the victims of the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings-hibakusha they call them-who wanted reparations for what the bombings have done to them. The article gave two pictures that were taken at that time- and my heart was painful after seeing them._

 _One depicted a wasteland that Nagasaki became-stripped bleached skeletons of buildings in a sea of ashes. It was a jarring mirror image of Nanjing's hell. The second photograph had a child with flayed, molten skin wailing in the ashes. He was most likely an orphan too._

 _I dreamt that Kiku was that boy, alone, burnt skin peeling and crying out in wretched pain._

 _Since Kiku left,he was always at the back of my mind, first with white hot painful betrayal which slowly morphed to bitter resignation that he was gone, most likely dead long ago , and even if he was still alive he might as well be dead._

 _I should reassure myself that was highly unlikely that Kiku was at Nagasaki or Hiroshima at the time but I still remember Hiroshima was Kiku's battalion's base. Aiyah!Now because of that accursed dream I worry over a dead brother-_

" **Brother?"** Jia Long hissed in surprise.

"Since when did he have a **brother**?!" Xiao Mei muttered when she read that passage.

 _-and plagued by questions that should only be reserved for the living._

 _Is he alright? Where is he now?_

 _I realise that I can't sleep because I still have so much words to say to a dead man._

"I don't understand," declared Xiao Mei, glaring at the offending passage .

"That's not surprising,"replied Jia Long,and winced at her punch to the arm.

"This Kiku person is supposedly brother of Yao's, whom he never mentioned to us for _50 years_ , and seems to be a Japanese soldier?" She brushed a stray lock of greying hair back as she attempted to work out the logic behind Kiku and Yao's relationship.

Jia Long shrugged and offered: "Yao does have a tendency to pick up strays,", which earning him another nasty look from his sister.

"Don't refer to us to as that."


End file.
